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Welcome
to
The Other Side of the FAQs



It’s different here on this side of the FAQs... where FAQs and fiction meet and bad puns occasionally run amok.

Q: What is your name?
A: My name is William. I am not King of the Britons.
Q: What is your quest?
A: You didn’t have many friends as a child, did you?

Q: You started in with the Monty Python, not me.

A: It’s a fair court.

Q: See, you did it again!

A: No I didn’t.

Q: Right. Let's get to the next bit, shall we...
Q: What kind of drivel can I expect to find on this FAQ?
A: Some of the best drivel around. Real high-quality stuff. Better than reading postal regulations.
Q: You don’t set a high bar, do you?
A: No, but I leap over it like a beautiful gazelle.

Q: African or Asian gazelle?

A: Stop that.

Q: Sorry.
Q: So, what do you get out of this?
A: Money! Prestige! Fame! Glory! Beautiful women throwing clingy little underthings at me!
Q: Really?
A: No. But, a guy can dream.

Q: Is your wife okay with that last bit?

A: No. But, a guy can dream.

Q: Am I going to need to take a shower after this interview?

A: Only if you keep playing hard to get.

Q: Please. There may be immature minds in the room.

A: Just you and me.

Q: I rest my case.

A: Do you have another question?

Q: Yeah, what the heck am I doing here?

A: Same as all of us, brother - just kicking around on this big rock in space.

Q: That was a rhetorical question.

A: So now you want to interview someone else?

Q: God, do I. Okay, next...
Q: Do you actually call yourself the Willy Wonka of Graphic Art?*
A: Well, it’s more of an aspirational statement.
Q: How much longer are you going to have me serve up softballs?
A: Until the Federal budget is balanced, baby!

Q: Couldn’t we just go until pigs fly or Hell freezes over?

A: Pick your poison.
Q: You are excited. Don’t you know that this is not how it’s done?
A: Shhhhh…. artist at work.

Do bumblebees know that they aren’t able to fly?

Does Congress still spend money like a drunken sailor, even though you can hear the pennies rattling around in the Treasury piggybank?

Does Britney know we don’t want to see that anymore (most never did)?

Or, as someone else famous would say, “Can we do it? Yes, we can!” Quick quiz -- was that our President or Bob the Builder? I’ll give you a hint, the answer is “yes.”
Q: Are you going to expand this FAQ, or are we safe?
A: Well, maybe. If people throw vegetables at me, well, I may keep going. I could use the veggies. If I’m greeted with a roaring silence, I may just leave it here.
Q: Did you steal this FAQ from EntertainTheBrain.com?
A: Yes and no.

Q: Isn’t that like being a little bit pregnant?

A: William, not Willamina, dude.

Q: I mean, how can you have stolen it and not stolen it? Are you running for office?

A: I did take it. But, I didn’t inhale. No, wait -- wrong forum. I did ejaculate, but only on the dress.

Q: Still wrong forum?

A: Er, yeah. Sorry. I did take it, but it was already mine. I own
EntertainTheBrain.com, so it’s not stealing. I borrowed from myself... and I refuse to press charges.

Q: Thank God.

A: You're welcome.

Q:
Okay, moving on...
Q: Do you have any other projects in the works?
A: Yeeessss.

Q: Can you elaborate on your other projects?

A: My lawyer advises me to “keep my big trap shut.”

Q: He sounds a little tight-lipped.

A: Oh, that’s nothing compared to the other end of him.
* Disclaimer
Neither Willy Wonka, the author of Willy Wonka and his estate, the folks who made the Willy Wonka movies (any of them), the actors in Willy Wonka (including, without limitation, a few of my favorite actors, Gene Wilder, Johnny Depp, and the pudgy kid who got sucked up the pipe - Augustus, I think), the key grip, the minor grip, get-a-grip, and all those other folks we see in the credits that have job titles that do not exist in the real universe, nor anyone else associated with those personalities, trademarks, copyrights, or any other interest or right therein, thereto, or whereartthou, whatsoever endorses this site, my use of the names of Willy Wonka, Johnny Depp, Gene Wilder or other actors, or this project or has anything whatsoever to do with it. Although, if they’d like to help contribute to my success, I’d be happy to hear from them (not their lawyers). Johnny, if you’re reading, I think you’d play me really well!!**
** Disclaimer to the Disclaimer
My lawyer made me write the disclaimer. Yes, I embellished a bit. Okay, a lot. No, he hasn’t seen it. But, I’m sure we’ll all hear about it when he does.

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